Wow The day has come and at this time right now I was getting prepped for my c-section, Why? Because Khloe decided feet first was the only way she was going to come out. Wow I was so scared and worried but after a hard time getting the epidural in they had me prepped I didn’t want to have a c-section if I didn’t want to so they were just about to try and turn her as we speak I was in the OR and sitting on the table right about now and little did I know Khloe had a heart defect let alone multiple heart defects. Khloe was born at 11:10Am with perfect apgar scores at one and five minutes. She was gorgeous and still is and I am so happy to see her beautiful face everyday, I am very very blessed. Another year older and another heart doctor appointment coming up soon everything hopefully looks alright and hopefully this bluing under her eyes goes away we will see what doc Miyamoto sais in June. Wow time to go party please whoever reads this today celebrate the beautiful lives that are here with you or the ones that are with you in spirit because without them we wouldn’t be who we are today.

To my son,

I write this as I wonder,
Will you ask someday?
Why do I have this scar mom?
Did God make me this way?
What will happen to me?
What does my future hold?
Will I hold my own children?
Then live until I’m old?
I think about your future,
Imagining what lies ahead,
Perhaps I need to concentrate,
On present things instead.

The present:

Right now you are enjoying life,
A typical mischievious boy,
You make us laugh…yes everyday,
And fill our hearts with joy.
And people often ask me,
So he’s all better right?
His heart is fixed, he seems just fine,
His future’s looking bright.
Yes, “He’s doing well”, I say,
I hope things stay this way,
I still fear for his future,
And every night I pray…
“Give me yet another day,
Keep my child strong,
I do not want to lose him Lord,
Please let his life be long.

Thank you…

Thank you Lord, for showing me,
What just one child can do,
I marvel at his courage,
And the trials he’s been through,
Thanks for your compassion
(And need I say it?…grace)
You’ve led me through each valley,
And you’ve brought me to this place.
A place where I’m not angry,
And it’s easier to see,
That I was not the person,
That you wanted me to be.
Thank you for the trials Lord,
They’ve taught me how to give,
Thank you for my child Lord,
He’s shown me how to live.

Did God make you this way?

I’ve asked myself this question,
A thousand times before,
Then it became a question that,
I just could not ignore.
God, He made you perfect,
Bestowing you with gifts to share,
God made you with his own hands,
Then numbered every hair.
He saw no imperfection,
Or heart…all rearranged,
He saw you…his well loved child,
And then he saw…lives changed.

The future…

The future is no place to live,
And neither is the past,
The present should be cherished,
As it truly goes too fast,
I don’t know what your future holds,
Or what we’ll have to face,
I know who holds us through each storm,
I know we lean on grace.
I know that life’s not always fair,
I know God has a plan,
I know He gives us strength and hope,
I know, he says…”You can”.

I write this as I wonder,
Will you ask me why?
Will you someday understand,
Just why we had to try?
Know, how very much your loved,
(Through every storm and strife)
Know, I wanted you to have,
A chance… to live your life.

~Stephanie Husted