I’ve walked down the hospital hall and handed my child over into the hands of capable physicians and God twice now for open heart surgery. I’ve watched as she was taken beyond the yellow and black line that separated her from us and felt the awful pit in my stomach and waited with the knowledge that I can’t do anything for her. Turning your child over to a physician for any medical procedure is hard; turning your child over for a life-threatening surgery is something I don’t think I can put into words.
Can you prepare for that? No. Nothing you do can prepare you for the emotional toll, the hours of waiting in an operating room, the nerve-wracking havoc tugging at your heart and mind…nothing can prepare you for that.
While emotional preparation may not be possible, education is. Knowledge is power in the world of Congenital Heart Defects. The more knowledge you have, the less helpless you feel. It is usually fairly easy to gain knowledge on the “basics” of your child’s CHD and the surgical procedure they will go through. What isn’t always easy is to get the knowledge you need that will prepare you the best. Knowledge that can help you and knowledge that can help your child can make open heart surgery and recovery a little less stressful.
This would be my list of preparation advice for those facing open heart surgery with a child.
* Learn all you can about the hospital, surgical procedure, surgeon, and preferred treatment of cardiac patients. Hospitals are all different. You may know someone who has been through this before and feel ready; however, it may surprise you how different your experience turns out. It is important for you to understand how your hospital works. Some hospitals are more likely to use newer methods of treatment, surgery, or respiratory therapy. Anesthesia care and techniques differ widely. Does your hospital have a PICU, ICU, or CICU? Where do you wait during surgery? How long until you will be allowed to see your child after surgery? This list is just a tiny fraction of all the things that differ from hospital to hospital. You should find out so you aren’t surprised by any of these things. Do your research on hospitals and their surgery protocol just as you would your child’s condition.
* Be aware of how your child will look after surgery. With my daughter’s first open heart surgery, we had friends who showed us photos of their daughter immediately following surgery. We stared at the photos as they explained all the tubes, cords, IV’s, medicines… and more. Although our daughter didn’t look exactly the same, we were better prepared for what we saw when we walked in the room. We recognized her knees down to her toes and her beautiful eyes and top of her head, otherwise, she was completely covered in tubes, wires, bandages, and tape. For us, it was still hard to see but not nearly as hard as those who came to visit her who had no idea she would look like she did. Google search open heart surgery images for pictures to prepare you. Study the pictures. If you know someone that has been through it, you can ask them to explain what all the lines and tubes and equipment are for. It won’t make it easier to see, but it will definitely take the horror out of it. Abby’s pictures can be seen on the Miracles and Milestones page of this blog.
* Learn ways of calming and soothing your child. This can be invaluable to you and your child. Knowing you can calm them down and that they are as comforted as possible will make you feel useful and comforted. Talk to your child, even when they seem asleep or incoherent. Your voice will soothe them. Touch them often, again, even if they are sleeping or sedated. Run your hands through their hair, rub their hands and feet, and anywhere else that is free to touch. Study up on Pressure Point massage. Using a reflexology foot chart will help you understand how to rub to help ease pain in certain areas of the body. Abby loved foot rubs and hand rubs as a baby and adolescent while recovering. We found a lotion that smelled good and rubbed away. Music therapy or playing music can also soothe and comfort some children. We played classical music when Abby was a baby at home and she responded favorably to it during her recovery. Anything that calms your child should be used in the hospital to help them through their traumatic experience.
* Know what to expect during recovery. Every recovery is different and every child is different but, knowing what might happen or what happens to many may help. Recovery for a baby is amazingly different than recovery for a child, teen, or adult. Find out what to expect. Many babies are kept sedated for longer periods of time and on the ventilator longer. Additionally, their hearts don’t have much room to swell so their chests may be kept “open” for a time. My daughter was so sedated for the first five days after surgery that I became fearful that she had suffered severe brain damage. When she would open her eyes she would not respond to me at all. The faraway stares and non-responsive is very normal when coming of sedation. Problems may also come up with feeding issues, either refusing to eat or not being able to nurse because of the drainage tubes. Deciding before hand how to handle the feeding issues, especially if nursing, is important. Do you want them to give them bottles to try? The sooner they eat the sooner they go home; however, this meant giving up nursing for me before I was really ready. I hadn’t thought through that I did not want her to try formula or juice by mouth…I wish I would have stuck with breast milk through an NG tube and continued to try nursing until she would nurse again. Many children also suffer sleep issues. They may not want to sleep or may have hard times sleeping. Their sleep cycles will be interrupted. Finding things to help them sleep, a favorite toy or blanket, can be a lifesaver.
* Prepare for the emotional toll of open heart surgery on older children. As a baby, our daughter was kept sedated and comfortable. I remember some hard days but mostly she seemed comfortable, as long as she was being held. Abby’s most recent surgery was a different experience. She was in quite a bit of pain, and was asking for pain meds every hour. Having lines removed and drainage tubes pulled was painful. The nurses tried to keep her med intake down but then she was in too much pain. Her incision and sternum were also very painful. This pain made her depressed. In addition, her little body got very sore from sleeping in the same positions on the hospital bed. She didn’t smile and our spunky, full of life little girl was the lowest I’ve ever seen her. I had read about depression after surgery and was ready for it, so I knew to allow her to feel how she did. I validated and agreed with her that the surgery and having to have it was awful. Others were shocked and concerned with her depression though. They didn’t realize the surgery would take such an emotional toll on her. Abby has been home for a couple days and is still dealing with the blues that follow surgery but, is slowly getting back to herself. What I wasn’t prepared for was the anxiety attacks! The anxiety in the hospital was severe. Abby suffered full blown adult type attacks that raised her heart rate and breathing rates and made her feel like she couldn’t breathe. Your child may suffer anxiety attacks as a natural reaction of being in the hospital and enduring such a serious surgery. Other emotions may also be felt. Anger, sadness, apathy, phobias, or feelings of being overwhelmed. Abby suffered all these. She would make comments like “You made me have this surgery.” She would also get overwhelmed with too many people around her. All these emotional ups and downs are normal and don’t have to surprise you. If you have a plan and know how to deal with them you and your child can make it through surgery and recovery.
This list may need adding to. I may have left things off that others experience. This list can help you prepare, in a small way, for the mountain ahead of you. While nothing can fully prepare you, you can be prepared for some of it, and help your child through it.
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