How my husband is an AMAZING father and husband.

You never know what you are going to do after your child has passed on. For a few days after Levi had no will or intentions to talk to God. After a few days God had come to him and opened his eyes. Everything from that day has been about God and has been about Aiden and spreading awareness of both.

When I got pregnant with Aiden seeing Levi’s eyes fill with tears and happiness melted my heart. I knew I was in love with this  man from the beginning but this definitely made me fall in love deeper and harder with him. I had morning sickness everyday for 24 weeks. It should sometimes just be called ALL DAY sickness because I could barely eat a thing, red meat was a big no as for several other things. Levi made that I ate and that I had whatever I wanted at that moment. AMAZING!

At 20 weeks we found out about Aidens heart condition. They had put me in a tiny room where I was shaking, tears rolling down my face and the only one I had was Levi. At that moment I didn’t want him to touch me, console me or even talk to me in anyway. A lot of men at that point would have thrown their hands up in the air and said I am done I am out of here. If she is pushing me away now I can just imagine with the months ahead are going to be like if we don’t do something about this soon. Not Levi, he was on the phone the moment we got home and got us into Children’s. I finally had let him in and he held me, loved on me and told me no matter what happens I will love you and Aiden and will give every last bit of me to make sure of it. Never once has he faltered from this promise.

Once the ECHO was done and all was confirmed that Aiden was going to be a heart baby my sweet dear husband just sat in the room this time shaking and crying. He was always the question asker but in this moment Momma needed to stand up hold strong and get him through. I asked all the questions I could think of and got the best answers the cardiologist could give at that time. Once it had sunk in Levi came home and his research began. The wonderful woman he met (yes it is wierd to say he was talking to other woman but they were supportive, knowledgeable, and huge supporters of us keeping Aiden) had made a huge difference to many things and making him a  strong heart warrior. AMAZING!

For months that followed he did anything and everything to find answers. He warded off the “you should terminated people” for me and loved me and held me in my moments of weakness. I was able to eat again and he would run out to get everything I needed while sometimes working 24 to 48 hour stretches. He wouldn’t let me drive because my growing baby made my belly touch the steering wheel and of course he didn’t want me or Aiden to get hurt in anyway. When week 29 came and I found out I had GD he would make sure he cooked me meals (which up until this he had never done or even attempted because he thought he couldn’t cook), found the appropriate carb count things and made sure I ate as much as I could to keep Aiden growing without also making him to big and toughening up his arteries which sometimes happens. He made sure my meds were taken and that I could feel as great as I could given the circumstances. AMAZING.

He went to every ECHO, level 2, and stress test. He would sit there and watch carefully and ask questions when needed. The day we were told we are going to get this done he ran home to get all the things we forgotten. He made it back in record time. He stayed awake as much as possible to make sure things were being done right. When things weren’t he was the first one to speak to the nurses. He would go out to the nurses station to get nurses when I needed them and they weren’t coming in fast enough. He also went and bought me flowers and Aiden a onsie from the hospital and things to decorate the room with “It’s a boy” everywhere. He was the first one to hold our little angel and first one to hold his little hand. He is the one who went to Children’s with him and rode in the ambulance on the way over across the street. AMAZING.

Every test they performed he would text me with info. He kept me up to date as he knew not being over at Children’s with them was killing me. He held me the first time I walked in and saw the wires and the tube down Aidens throat as I bawled the first time I saw all of it. Levi would sit and oogle over both of us while I held him. Levi was scared to hold him but I finally talked him into it and the tears flew for him and at that moment I was the strong one for him. It is amazing how love lets one person cry and the other be the strong one in moments. When they gave us our 3 options 1) take him home and let him pass there 2) heart transplant and 3) surgery to try and repair things it was a hard decision. Levi and I discussed everything and came up with the order of how we would try things. The heart transplant team said no and we just cried and held eachother and said OK so this isn’t what God wants. So surgery it was. Levi stayed up nights and days to call every doctor and research every possibility to make sure we made the right decision. We know we did. Levi kept me laughing and feeling optomistic the hole day of Aidens surgery. Aiden had made it off ECMO and was doing well so we thought. When we got the call from Childrens it was and emergency get back here (we were grabbing dinner and it was nurse change) we rushed in running holding eachothers hands. We walked in and said his heart stopped. Levi grabbed me as I slipped to the floor screaming. He held me put me in a chair made sure I was OK and ran in to check on Aiden. Levi knew he was gone. I had to see with my own eyes to know he was gone (oh how I wish I would have taken Levi’s warning he was and believed him) worst memory ever in my head. Once I held Aiden and went to the car to go home without my baby and knowing I wouldn’t see him again until his funeral was hard. At that moment though momma came in me again and held Levi up until that 3rd day and then once again he held me as I cried and cried and cried.  AMAZING!

As I stated above my Levi has been advocating, researching and loving me as well as trying to find a job right now. He amazes me with his strength, love and knowledge he has learned. This daddy loves his baby boy so much he wants to make sure no one ever forgets to say Aidens name at least once a day regardless of meeting him or not. My husbands AMAZING and I love him with all I have and all I got. This is to you my amazing husband. You amaze me, you make me fall in love with you deeper and deeper everyday and i thank you sweet sweet Levi for helping me bring the most amazing little boy into this world, Aiden Matthew Beers <3