CHD why do you have to eat at me?

I feel like you think it is funny to have tortured me for the time that Khloe has been here, I don’t think that you sending me into depression and not being able to function is not ok. I didn’t realize how angry you have made me at myself for so long and how horrible I now feel because I have just been on pilot mode for so long. I feel like i am coming out of a coma. I am coming to find that you are a horrible thing to my mind and I feel defeated in life because of you. I wish that everything was just better and I could get over it but I can’t, I am dealing with it but I feel like I have let down my babies and my husband because of you and because I feel like there is never sunshine on the horizon, I don’t like being Mrs. Doom and Gloom and I can not let it affect me anymore everyone see’s it. I am done. I have two beautiful kids one that you have affected for her life and my beautiful heart healthy boy which will deal with you on a different level. I know he will always worry about his big sister being ok and it is all because of you. My wonderful husband will just shove you down and try not to think of you as he does with a lot of things but you make me feel like I am right there again, I will have to get over that one day at a time. You will always be there but I will not let you interfere with my performance as a mother, wife,lover,friend and person anymore. I can’t it isn’t ok and we have to live together for the rest of our lives. So please try to ease up because if you don’t I think I will need a vacation at the looney bin for a little while and I really don’t want to do that.

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